Daily Dilemma (Friendships)

How long do you need to know someone before you attend their loved ones funeral? What really is the meaning of a friend? Are there different categories of friends? Let's take a look at this scenario:

The dinging sound on Keith's computer let him know an email has hit his inbox. The message read: "Please reach out to Mac." Keith's stomach flip flopped as he clicked his mouse over the message. The note simply read:

It is with deepest regret that I inform you
Mac Mason's wife Jenny passed away unexpectedly.
As a member of the Rye Association please reach out
to Mac and show your support as a fellow Ryer and friend.
The funeral will be held at Unity Church on Monday at 9am.
Please confirm if you will be in attendance.

Keith's heart skipped a few beats. His phobia for funerals just kicked in. He said to himself,
"Mac is a fellow Ryer, but I don't know him well enough. I only met his wife twice." Keith continued to ponder if he should attend the funeral. He wants to support his fellow club member and association., but this takes him way out of his comfort zone.

Analysis:

Keith knows Mac through the association. He has had conversations with him, but not enough to call him a friend. Should he go as a representative of the club, or a member of a delegation? But, it all starts with communication. Death and dying a difficult and emotional situation, that we don't plan for or give much consideration to. This lack of comfort with these feelings makes it all the more difficult when this situation arises.

Solution:

Should he attend the funeral? Would you attend the funeral? If Keith decided to attend would it enhance the relationship with the Mac? Would there be a deeper meaning to friendship if he attend this funeral?

Daily Dilemma (Family)

Research has shown family is the glue to life. Having positive support makes life more meaningful. Without it who do you rely on? Here is today's scenario:

Kyle and Melissa grew up in a close knit small town. They were surrounded by family everyday. They both came from a long line of Midwestern farmers. The two met through a friend of the family. They fell in love and married within 1 1/2 years. Both decided after marriage they wanted to explore the country. They wanted more out of life than living in the Midwest.

They decided to move East and settled in Pittsburgh. Life was an adventure for the first several months, but that didn't slow them down. Before their first anniversary they were expecting their first child. That first holiday season was hard. They didn't have all the traditional cooking or decorations. They made their own tradition as best they could but felt something was missing. They started to fight about money and family more frequently. They had few friends, and the friends they made happened to live close to family.

They decided being so far away from family was not the best for them. Within 2 years they packed up and went home. They decided home is with family.

Analysis:

It's more and more frequent today that people don't live close to family. There seems to be a break down in the family system. This couple had a difficult time without their family and decided they were important.

Solution: Is family really the glue to happiness in life. Would you be capable of moving two time zones from your birth family?

Daily Dilemma #1 Workplace/Co-Workers

There are many issues in Corporate America today. Are we aware these issues exist or do we turn our heads the other way? Here is a workplace scenario:

Daisy, a therapist of 5 years worked at Wings Clinic. She counseled battered women, so her job consisted helping her clients with their life issues. She was employed at the clinic for 8 months. When she started her job at the clinic she felt this agency was different from the rest, because she felt their was room to be creative in helping her clients. She felt the supervisor had good communication skills and trusted in her clinicians in making good sound decisions for clients and the agency. Daisy was not interested in office politics and did not play them well.

The "honeymoon" phase of the job lasted about 3 months. The supervisor started looking for mistakes in client notes. She put sticky notes throughout the files and sent Daisy emails about issues that should have been discussed in person. Daisy attempted to approach the supervisor but she never had time.

Daisy eventually, got frustrated and then quit her job. Daisy enjoyed her job and loved working with her clients. However, the negative communication between her and the supervisor made the job stressful. Daisy ultimately lost interest in her mission.

Analysis:

Daisy really enjoyed her job and at first felt the clinic was different. She was given freedom to be creative and work independently. After several months the honeymoon was over. Daisy ultimately became frustrated with her supervisor and was not able to express this to her. Daisy felt her supervisor was a bully and a "know-it-all." She eventually quit due to stress.

Solutions:

Has this happened in your agency/organization? Do you wonder why turn over is high? Do you have a system in place to help newcomers understand protocol? How can these issues be fixed and are mangers and supervisors willing to listen and be a part of the solution?

Daily Dilemma / Morals 1

DAILY DILEMMA

MORALS

Do any of us have morals anymore? Or, do we have our own sense of values and they sometimes can be compromised? Here is a scenario on one of the 7 deadly sins, Greed:

Martha was in the business of cake decorating. She began by decorating cakes for special occasions. Family and friends were her first customers. One day she decorated a cake for a special friend’s wedding. It was her best masterpiece yet. Her friend loved Martha’s work and could not believe her friend was that talented. Martha could not believe she was that talented either. Her friend talked her into starting her own cake decorating business.

Martha worked hard networking through her friends and family for business. All her friends referred her business from birthday parties to big corporate events. Martha became a success overnight. She started with a one person shop to a huge bakery. Martha had between 20-30 employees within 5 years. Money was coming in. This success was beyond Martha’s wildest dreams.

One day she decided to buy more bakeries and build an empire. She bought 2 more then 5 more. It became quite a job to keep up with all the books. Martha was buying and selling fast. Martha forgot what she went into business for and lost her passion for baking. Martha was worth more than 10 million dollars in just 8 years. But, one day it all came crashing down when she was spending more money than she had. Martha continued to buy more bakeries instead of enjoying what she built from the beginning. Eventually, she was caught stealing from her own empire and lost everything within a year.

Analysis: Martha had a dream and passion for baking cakes. She was a success and ended up losing it all over money. Greed for bigger and better and more money made Martha crash and burn.

What is greed? What could Martha have done to stop this from happening? Was she aware or what she was doing to herself and her reputation?

Disclaimer: All scenarios are pieces of fiction. All scenarios are meant to help others think about how they live their lives and what they can do better.

Daily Dilemma / Societal Issues 1

Daily Dilemma (Society Issues)

Today's critical thought is on a societal issue.

Pete was at a stop light in his vehicle and Sherry was at the crosswalk. Sherry was waiting for the walk sign to appear to signal that it is safe to cross the street. The signal changes and Sherry begins to walk across the street and Pete decides he wants to make a right on red. He quickly looks but neglects to see if anyone is in the crosswalk and begins to turn, all of a sudden there is Sherry walking across the street. Pete narrowly misses her and it frightens Sherry. Pete continues to make his right and Sherry is left standing in the middle of the street for Pete to turn.

Analysis: Who has the right of way in this scenario? You guessed it Sherry. Why do you think Pete feels he needs to just turn instead of obeying the traffic law? Does he even know this is a traffic violation? When we are given our manual for our road test do we read it completely or do we just read what we know is on the exam?

Solution: Everyone needs to be aware of all traffic laws. Please read your drivers manual or take a defensive driving class.

Disclaimer: All names and scenarios are fictional.

Daily Dilemma / Friends and Friendships 1

DAILY DILEMMA
HOUSE SITTING

Kenny sat at his desk when the new troop came in. He introduced himself and showed him around the office. Casey seemed like a likeable guy. Casey and Kenny hit it off. They talked about golf, archery, and other guy things. They had much in common. Kenny invited Casey over for dinner several times over the coming months and he integrated nicely with Kenny’s family.

One year of consistent friendship under their belt, Kenny decided to ask Casey a favor. “Hey man, I’m taking my wife and kids to New York for Christmas, can you house sit for us?” Casey immediately accepted, and said he would be delighted help him out, after all Kenny has given him in the last year. Casey really wanted to give back to Kenny and his wife.

Two weeks later Casey was at the airport on time to pick up Kenny, his wife and kids from their trip. Casey and Kenny chatted all the way home. When Kenny’s wife stepped into her home she could not believe her eyes. The house was in such disarray. There were dishes piled to the ceiling, trash from an obvious party, and what appeared to be a vomit stain on the carpet.

Kenny and his wife were so disappointed they didn’t even know what to say to Casey. They just told him they would speak with him in the morning. As Kenny’s wife sat down the jet lag kicked in and she cried for the next hour. Kenny didn’t know what to say to console her. As for Casey, Kenny was not looking forward to work or ever talking with Casey again.

Analysis: This friendship between Kenny and Casey was one that had all the ingredients of a long lasting relationship. Everyone had a lot in common, talked about everything, eat and drank together. The friendship was tested by asking Casey to take care of the most prized possession, Kenny’s house. Casey blew any chance of trust in this relationship over one mistake, and will miss out on continued growth of this relationship with Kenny and his family.

When we develop close relationships is it wise to put so much trust and high expectations on others? Can this relationship ever be repaired? If so, what would have to happen? Who needs to make the first move? Friendship is a joy in life, but it takes work and when the trust has been broken does it mean it’s over forever?

Disclaimer: All Scenarios are fiction

Daily Dilemma / Family 1

DAILY DILEMMA/FAMILY ISSUES

6 AM First Street: The sun, like a bright orange ball rises into the sky, and the sound of alarm clocks blare through the house. The scurrying to get ready for the day begins. Lisa wakes up first, and starts the morning assembly by making the coffee and breakfast for all. Jim rolls out of bed, preoccupied already thinking about deadlines he needs to meet for the day. As he staggers through the early morning ritual he barely acknowledges the scene or says anything to Lisa and the kids. Tim and Karen run downstairs, strew their backpacks on the kitchen table, inhale breakfast, and are last seen rushing for the 7:00 AM bus.

At ages 14 and 17 the kids’ morning chores are simple: Make their beds, and pick up the occasional stray items from the floor in their rooms. At times, Lisa will ask Tim or Karen to put the dishes in the dishwasher and feed the dogs but lately it feels like she is invisible. As they are getting dressed, eating breakfast, and watching morning cartoons there is no time to complete their morning chores. Lisa attempts to ask if their beds are made. But, as if suddenly struck deaf they both run out of the house oblivious to that parting question.

Meanwhile Jim is upstairs exercising on the treadmill and watching the morning news. When he is finished with his workout he takes his shower, leaves his clothes all over the bathroom floor, and runs downstairs grabs a cup of coffee and leaves for work without saying goodbye.

Lisa is left to pick up after everyone, maintain all the household financial issues, and needs to leave for work herself. She is feeling a bit overwhelmed these days because of her own deadlines and demands with her job. She is angry and vows to “take care of everyone when she arrives home tonight.”

Analysis: Everyone is doing their own thing and not paying attention to what is important. Tim and Karen are in the habit of blowing off mom and not completing simple chores. Jim is taking for granted the relationship he has with Lisa that she will be there to pick up after him and support him through his issues. Lisa is the “doer” and feels taken advantage of from time to time, but allows and chooses this to happen. Is this a typical family issue?

Solution: Have you ever stopped to think about your immediate family members? Have you often thought about their feelings and thoughts? Have you attempted to put yourself in there shoes? Since family members feel “we are family”, we know what everyone is thinking and feeling. This often is not the case. Try for just 5 minutes to stop and check in with everyone. Communication in families is important, don’t take anything for granted. It may feel like you can read each others minds, but we really can’t. Twenty years down the road you may wake up one morning and find out you have been living with strangers.

Disclaimer: : All scenarios, Characters, names, and places are fictional.

Daily Dilemma / Workplace and Co-Workers 1

DAILY DILEMMA

Workplace Dilemma #1

At the office Sally taps her pen on her desk and alternately paces the room. A well worn path across the carpet in her office shows her anxiety. She drinks her cup of Joe awaiting the weekly sales report Wanda promised to have on her desk by 9:00 AM. Sally snatches the phone in her hand and calls Brice in the next office complaining about Wanda being late every other day. As Sally hangs up the phone, Wanda enters her office with a report that is not to Sally’s satisfaction.

Every day as Wanda approaches Main St. where Junction Company is located her stomach becomes knotted. She has worked at Junction for 1 ½ years and was hired because of her skills in sales. Every week when she hands over the sales report to her manager (Sally), she knows the inevitable feedback. Sally’s flaming emails get under Wanda’s skin. Wanda has had a difficult time leaving her home on Monday mornings because her stomach is so upset she is running back and forth to the bathroom. She is afraid she will not make it to work with clean clothes.

Analysis: We are seeing two different perspectives in this story. The first where Sally feels Wanda is not doing the job she was assigned to accomplish. Sally feels Wanda is not respecting the organization with her habitual tardiness. From Wanda’s perspective we see she is completely stressed out over Sally’s management style. She is feeling like Sally is unapproachable and is manifesting physical symptoms of stress over the situation.

Given both sides what is the best solution to this scenario?

Wanda needs to find a non-threatening approach and discuss with Sally about the needs of the report. Wanda’s reaction to Sally’s style of leadership is making her uncomfortable. Is there a way she can feel more comfortable when she discusses her job with Sally? Are there some personal issues in Wanda’s life that she is projecting that inhibits her from completing the report to satisfaction? Wanda needs to become more aware of her feelings and thoughts so she can complete her report and communicate in a more effective way.

Sally’s reaction to Wanda is creating a work environment of hostility. In addition Sally brings others into the situation, by her phone call to Brice. Sally needs to ask Wanda if she understands what she is looking for in the report and discuss in full the details of the report. A good leader will make sure, ask questions, and discuss all company protocols for reports. Sally needs to make sure Wanda understands without intimidation or belittling. What else can Sally do to improve the situation?

Disclaimer: : All scenarios, Characters, names, and places are fictional.